"premises immediately your toys away, or I'll throw them away!" Or "Can you please put away your toys, so I feel comfortable in our house? " Two very different ways of representing the same situation.
on which of the two Aufforderun gene would you react sooner?
It's amazing how much we can change our everyday atmosphere when we formulate requests as their own needs and not as an attack.
That's what the creator of Nonviolent Communication (NVC), Marshall B. Rosenberg in the confrontation with the American civil rights movement in the early 1960s developed.
GfK assumes that it reflects the basic nature of man, the good of others to contribute. It is not technology but rather an attitude, the appreciation of the other person is paramount. Rosenberg is also called "the language of the heart" or "giraffe language" in contrast to the "life-border communications sent externally," the "wolf language '.
GfK can be used in many areas and is mainly used for peaceful conflict resolution. It is also influenced by Mahatma Gandhi and his reflections on violence.
The GfK course it is not the avoidance of physical violence, no, words can be very hurtful. It's about avoiding the "language of violence" by trying to identify the needs of the other person and respond accordingly to. The non-violent communication consists of four steps:
The first step is the observation. It is neutral, that is, without judging or blaming. In the case example used would mean "your toys lying on the ground" (and not: "You always do this mess in the living room"). For the second statement would come directly to defense, while the first, an assessment is free expression. In the second step is
expressed the feeling , which is in connection with the observation: "I'm angry!". It is to ensure that only "real" feelings are expressed. "It is unimportant to you, to donate such a disorder. I totally feel provoked. "This statement is not move from true feelings, but from accusations that will make the other person only to the offensive and defensive. In the third step is
formulated their own need . This is particularly negative feelings often hard to detect and requires some practice.
In our example, it is in essence to the need for order and the subsequent relaxation and well-being. Unfortunately, this need is often not clear, but the other is attacked out of anger, although the need actually is not to hurt the others do.
In the fourth and final step it is now is to formulate a concrete Please . In the beginning, to have two sample sets were called. Here it is important to distinguish between requests and demands: a real request is only a request, even if it is "no" can be answered. Demands often provoke resistance and rejection, however, real requests are often happy to meet voluntarily once the need of the other person is detected.
Maybe it sounds, the model of Nonviolent Communication at once very complicated and theoretically and the odd can of course very doubtful at this point that this is also practical in everyday use.
"First, what people say when they hear of these four steps, as simple as that. The second thing they say is how difficult it is. We are just not used to it, without violence to communicate. This is also related to the power structures in which we were all brought up and where we live, "says GfK's trainer Teschner Isolde in Munich.
should I believe this model, however, be cultivated. There are now some GfK coach and seminars and Marshall B. Rosenberg has even a specially adapted approach to children.
We see only too often, is how to deal with violent conflicts and escalate it.
hope for me is that the concept of Nonviolent Communication has even been successfully used for conflict resolution in areas of conflict such as Israel, Palestine, Serbia and Rwanda and will be.
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